Pittsburgh is on some terribly stupid 'best of' lists. Let's dissect them

Pittsburgh is on some terribly stupid 'best of' lists. Let's dissect them
It’s healthy to be proud of the city you live in, but worrisome to ignore its obvious failures in order to garner said pride. To quote Frank Costanza, “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people.”

And while I got the same tingle in my bathing-suit area most of Pittsburgh did when we were lauded as Most Livable City in the late aughts, Pittsburgh definitely has a lot of problems.

But I’m not here to tell you what to think about Pittsburgh. I’m here to drop knee-slapping anecdotes in an attempt to get you to like me. And finding and commenting on the stupidest "best of" lists we appear on is today's approach.

The National Center for Arts Research’s Arts Vibrancy Index Report ranked Pittsburgh at No. 20 in cities with populations of more than 1 million.
Yes! Wait. The who gave us what?! OK. I don’t understand 95% of those words. But at least we’re on a list! We can all celebrate that. Oh, we’re 20th? Well, being in the top 25 means something, right? Not really, especially when we’re behind “Cleveland-Elyria” and Rochester, N.Y.? Cleveland and Philly are the places we hate for no good reason! Do you know where Elyria is?! I do. But that’s a different story.

MSN ranked Pennsylvania as the 25th best state to retire in with mentions of Pittsburgh being one of the best places to retire on a limited budget.
There are 50 states. Half of which are better choices than Pennsylvania which only contains “mentions” of Pittsburgh. So, is it like, Altoona, Johnstown, Philly, then Pittsburgh? Also, old people hate snow. It breaks their hips and makes them colder than usual. I’m cold right now.

TripAdvisor named Lawrenceville among the 14 "coolest hipster neighborhoods" in America.
Progress. I’ve heard of TripAdvisor. They have that spokesman who has a weird Germanic accent but no belt? No. That’s Trivago. Can’t we retire the word “hipster”? It, much like these lists, means little to nothing beyond identifying men who only get their hair cut at places with hand-drawn, handlebar mustaches on their storefronts.

WalletHub says Pittsburgh is one of the best cities for jobs.
If you grew up dreaming of working for a bank or a hospital, Pittsburgh is your Xanadu. (No offense bankers and hospitalists.)

Pittsburgh has been awarded the Best Cities for Singles Award for the state of Pennsylvania by Insurify.
If there’s anybody I trust in judging the romantic possibilities of a region, it’s probably the people who wrote this: “Insurify is reimagining the way you compare, buy, and manage your insurance online.” Nonthing's sexier than when he/she whispers in your ear, "Whole- or term life?"

Pittsburgh ranked as the No. 1 city to snag a sweet home on a 60k annual salary according to Realtor.com.
Hey, Realtor.com! You dudes know where I can nab 60k of dank nugs or some bitchin’ brewdogs? Good talk.

The American Fitness Index ranks Pittsburgh 1st among the 100 largest U.S. cities in regards to community features that promote a fit population.
Translation: Hills are difficult to walk up.

I love Pittsburgh. It’s the little city that could. And most of our residents are welcoming and thoughtful. And while we may disagree on how or whether it needs to be improved, I think we can all recognize the pride of being in America’s 50th percentile of best places to go and die when you’re old.